This one could be anyone in the night. This mortal could be your friend, an acquaintance, yes, even you. Careful darling, in the deeds you do, you may find me around a corner some night.

I walked along the road quietly. The water lapped and lulled against the stone, not far from me. It seemed to reach my immortal ears, even without registering its presence. My thoughts were not on the water, they were on the one who walked ahead. Like a cat in pursuit of its mouse, I let him have his space, his feeling of being free to go where he will. Little did he know, he was my game. You think this hunger is so easily dampened down, in one so young as I? No, I fight with it endlessly at times.

One minute I am Sybelle the charming. Sybelle Armand’s angel. Darling sister. Caring, and full of joy. Even Sybelle the mad, when my fingers pound out what I cannot speak. In the next moment though, a haze seems to settle over me. A haze of hunger that beats its drums that even my piano cannot match. It sucks me in, until I can no longer feel the side of me that existed before the hunger. The hunger to appease my thirst of blood. It is like a second me, pouring forth and leaping to be unleashed.

I become, truly, a product of what I was made then. I was made for this hunt. Yet, it takes all my will, what little is left in me, to be so patient on the prowl. As he walked further, I felt my need grow. It pulsed through me with each step. I could hear his heart beating so clearly. Come, drink me now, you know you want to. My eyes slit into cat like shades, and I knew this as the drunk looked at me from his position my the trash can. He could have been my Hors d'oeuvres before the meal. Just enough to appease my appetite for the game. I passed him by. There is nothing like fulfilling the end of what you start.

Slowly, I shortened our distance. I watched him pull a cigarette out of his pocket and light it. I felt his blood shift quicker through his heart. I heard it, every drop. He flicked the cigarette out in the water and headed for the dock that held his human cargo. Human cargo he paid dearly for. His blood and sweat poured into his very job. Yes, his blood I thought, reading his mind. My blood.

A simple shift brought me a few feet ahead of him, and directly in his path. He checked his step in mid-stride, looking at me from head to toe. Yes, I supposed I must have looked good to him at first glance. My hair hung loose, blowing with the wind. I had on the pendant that Bianca and I had purchased a matching set of. I even wore the shirt I had bought, but instead of pants I wore a skirt. Short tight, and ending where my leather boots began. Right down to the spikes that dug into the concrete.

I had intended to be clubbing this night, picking my game from the faces that shift and swirl to the music, but instead my hunger had taken me elsewhere, leading me to this one. His mind seemed to catch up with his eyes. Oh yes, I was just a little bit on the pale side. And no, those can’t be fangs can they? Amused, I stood reading his every thought. Right up until that point he wanted to run from me. His foot in mid motion, the first step he would take in his illusion of freedom. I brought him plummeting to the ground while I purred and crooned how good it would be to drink him up.
I whispered to him, my hand firmly holding him down, as my teeth finally closed upon that one place I wanted. They sank in quickly and I even crooned, searching his mind and settling him, so that his yelling would end. And now I didn’t care if he yelled. Not really, when the blood came up and over my tongue. When it rushed forward, slid across and hit the roof of my mouth. When it slid down my throat, all nice and full, warm delicious soothing that it was.

Every part of me seemed to come unleashed then, and not one single part of what was inside me did not tingle and thank me for this. Except…my mind. When I bonded my thoughts with his, viewing his whole life. Viewing, through his eyes, those ones that didn’t deserve the grief that would come of his disappearance. No matter what his deeds, and darling, they are certainly great, I cannot shake what happens when I see such as this. The animals within me may cry out all it wants, but the lucid side of me know exactly what I get in my hunt. Somehow, I make peace in knowing what I do.

It could come when I dumped his body over the side into the water. It could come on my long walk home. It could come when I played out his soul into the very music my piano serenades into the room. But I know, when Armand comes then, and gently hugs me in my shadow of thoughts and wanting to cry, when I see Benji drift into the room and hear his playful voice damning all girls and their crying. Then, and only then, do I know why I can get through it all. To be with them forever, that is the price I pay. And this night, and the next one, it could be you. Are you evil?

raises a brow

Immersed in the spa as we were, there was nothing but comfort to be felt. The mortals, who came to check on us, quickly left us alone once more. It was too easy to make them see us as any other mortal. Too easy to tell their minds that we enjoyed our time alone. I lay on my stomach, conversing with Bianca who lay opposite on a matching table. The towels covered us from shoulder blades, to just below our rears. But for the towels, we were without apparel. I had never felt so relaxed. Well, perhaps I had, I thought to myself with a smile. My legs lifted, kicking in a completely mortal gesture.

“Should we have our hair done as well?”
“Might as well, it couldn’t hurt.”

I chuckled as she grimaced and pulled her hair around to look at it.

“You have lovely hair Bianca.”
“And you, dear one, have gone blind. Oh dear, what will Armand say to me about this.”

She posed in a mock gesture of concern. I giggled uncontrollably then. She was such a character. Her words reminded me of Marius at times like this. Especially, when she called me dear one. She did this so involuntarily, yet naturally. My eyes fastened once more on her long hair. Parts of it shone like honey. She shifted, pushing it back across her shoulder. It really was pretty, with its preternatural sheen.

“Now, what shall we wear?”
“To a rock concert? What else, but leather?”

I made a noise of approval, remembering the tight leather pants we had both purchased. Along with those, two equally perfect pair of leather boots. Even Lestat would appreciate the ruffled shirts we had found, with subtle embroidery about the bell shaped cuffs.

“I will finally have a chance to wear that pendant, as will you,” I said excitedly.

We had purchased two long rope like gold chains. They were very thin, and on the end of each, hung a pendant of amber, shaped into a sort of cameo. They would rest just in the center of our cleavage, where the shirts came together. She grinned.

“And we cannot forget the earrings either.”
“No, we mustn’t.”

Her legs shifted, lifting, and seeming to mimic mine. We were silent then, for there was no need to talk. Our bond showed in that we could drift in and out of conversation at will.

“What a picture we will make.”

I slid my gaze from her long oil covered calf to her face. We shared a smile.

“Perhaps we will meet the band.”
We both chuckled.

“Perhaps we should not, they do play so very well.”

Our chuckles became laughter, tinkling its own music into the room.

“Champaign madams?”

I glanced at the mortal in the doorway. He was smiling at us. I am sure we presented a pleasurable picture of decadence at its leisure.

“Of course,” Bianca answered to us both.

I smiled to myself once more and closed my eyes, resting my cheek upon the towel-covered table. I heard the door click and opened my eyes. Bianca was up; the towel wrapped firmly and snug into the crease of her arm, so that it wouldn’t fall. I watched as she poured the Champaign out into a nearby plant.

“They have never had it so good.”

I spoke of the plant. Her shoulders shook with laughter. Mine followed suit.

“They’ll be drooping by tomorrow.”
“Yes, hung over, the poor dears.” I said, remembering.

I smile now, remembering our darling plants that I had managed to purchase from the hotel.

In wandering far, I yearned for home once more.

Bianca had left me to roam this night. It was a good thing, as I wanted to visit a place that I had been meaning to see for some time. It was not very far, in the immortal sense of distance and our ability to go there so quickly. I stood looking up at the building on Yaroslaviv, admiring the craftsmanship of the intricate designs. The male and female shape and molding, wrapping around, pushing outward, and pulling back in. All at once, I stood thinking of the fairy tale castles that I had seen in children’s books. This could have been a castle, this ordinary building turned into a work of art. It was a work of art. The people in this country must have been born with such things inside, ready to pour forth and bewitch the eyes. I moved on, thinking once more to myself. I smiled at the memory of the building that looked like a hat. I had seen an old painting once, where a man wore a hat just so. Rounded, with a spike on the top. Did this symbolize royalty? I did not know. He did not speak of this place to me. I had been slightly startled by the statue of a cat in my evening jaunt. I stood for some time, watching its eyes roam about within the stone. Once more, I walked on. The streets were mazes to me, and I wished to find the water at the edge of the city. I studied the dome topped buildings with crosses. St. Sofia. The plastered walls were almost translucent, and there were faded images of the saints. I studied the stairwell that led to the choir, and the many paintings on the walls that lined it. The lettering that slid along the arch where the virgin held up her hands. But this was not where I wanted to be, and I had taken my time about going there. I slid out of the church, raising the hood of my cloak, and headed for the monastery. The sight of its perfume bottle tops took my breath away. I closed my thoughts, moving forward. When I was through seeing it all, through my eyes, through their eyes in the places I could not reach, I sat beneath a tree. Finally, I stood, meaning to find the water. I looked at its dark color in the night. Perhaps I even wished to see it blue. But it was enough to be here. I bent, running my hand beneath the wet surface, and let it slide through my hand as it rose. And there, I said a prayer of thanks, to the men on the water who had taken my beloved that time. The one I had seen within my mind. Would he have understood my thanks then? Perhaps not, but Benji would have. And suddenly I wanted him here to see this with me. I decided then to return to the hotel in Berlin. Bianca was there when I returned. She understood my need for silence at a time like this. I lay with her on the bed, her hand stroking my hair. I knew that we had planned to see the city together, but I had felt the need to be alone when seeing it for the first time. “We will see it together next time,” she said silently to me. I nodded, thankful in her understanding.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Though some of my posts may be in random order, I did promise to keep you all informed of our trip. Smile

Bianca and I have had the best of times on this trip so far. Our first evening was spent roaming the streets at night. Orienting ourselves with our new hunting grounds. Well not so new for her, but for me a completely new scene. The bellboy was a darling little mortal who wore a red cap. Just like in the movies. I thought red caps were non-existent these days. I smiled at Bianca, and she smiled back. I know we had shared the same thought. He mesmerized me, as everything else that had caught my eyes in this city. I thought about the tall building that looked like a baby’s rattle, sitting next to a bottle, and further on, a bunch of toy buildings. Their little lights shining off the nearby water, as the plane flew over.

“Madam, Madam. ”

My attention returned to the bellboy.

“Alexander, has your luggage. If you follow me, I will show you to your room.”

I listened to his accented English. Enjoying the pronunciation of Alexander from his tongue. Bianca nodded, speaking to him and we followed. The hotel had a style of its own, unlike the airport. I thought about its glass dome, with many squares. A setting of a web, and its concrete innards, giving the impression of a spider sitting in the center. Clashing in its form, but the colors of white and blue. I grinned, thinking of Santiago. The spider in his web. I put the memory of our parting into the back of my mind, pausing only on that last glittering grin of his. Shaking my head with a smile, I put him away from my thoughts.


November 2006:

Bianca and I went out this evening. Our arrival at a little club called Big Eden, a big red sign outside having pointed the way, went mostly unnoticed. Lights flashed off the mirrors, as we made our way through the crowd to comfortable cushioned seats. I smiled, leaning in to whisper to her. I did not need to, but felt the need to blend in with the mortal scene tonight. She grinned back at me.

It was not long, before we were joined by two male mortals. One tall and dark, the other slender and red headed. They smiled, asking us where we were from. The minute I said hello, the question was forgotten. Instead, they took their seats about us, Bianca having invited them to. My hand brushed Bianca’s under the table. Her imperceptible nod telling me that she had felt and knew it also.

Slavery. The words blared out from them, almost overpowering the music from the speakers not far from where we sat. These two, they dealt in the human slave trade. And we two, to them, looked perfect candidates for such trade. My mind reeled with their thoughts. Or perhaps I had not thought to come by such things so soon in the night. Nonetheless, my smile widened, barely concealing my teeth. And so did hers.

My mind did their calculations as we later danced on the floor. These two were not so drunk, like the many people I had run across in clubs before. But we did not have all night to play. I glanced over to Bianca, who was dancing with the red haired one. Her arms sliding down his chest, as her body twisted slowly to the pulsing music. I could have stood there all evening, watching her dance like this. She looked up for a brief moment, smiled to me, nodded slowly. Yes, I have read your thoughts. Turning my head back to the dark one, I glanced into his glittering eyes. All the more enticing for my knowing his thoughts. No darling, no amount of drinks would intoxicate this immortal woman. I purposely stumbled just a bit. His arms caught me. His face leaning in closer.

“Perhaps we had better go out for some air, yes?”

I nodded to him, trying not to grin. I knew Bianca would be all right. I could read it from her. She was not long from her game also.

The ground was a little rough, grazing my knees as I slid over him. He was pinned. Surely surprised that such a “little” female as myself had taken him by surprise. I grinned, showing him my teeth. Fear leaped into his eyes, right before I went for his throat. He had no chance to say anything. His blood slid over my tongue, warming me. His thoughts swirled through my head. I closed them off, listening to the music of his beating heart. Yes, all of it. All of your dirty little deeds, right into my soul. I lay on him. My world spinning a bit. Surely I had not drank after his heart stopped. My brows knitted. What was wrong with me? My mind swirled.

“Sybelle?”

Bianca’s voice swam to me in this haze. I moved my head, across the cold mortal’s chest. She swam before my eyes. Her little matching purse, the one from the store we had shopped at, went up to her mouth. I heard laughter spill from her. The rest of the night was a blur, spent in random laughter, spinning away.

Post Script:
Later, I learned, I had become drunk. I laugh now, thinking about it.

The limo waited for me by the road. I kissed Benji on the cheek.

“Don’t get into too much trouble while I am gone,” I told him.

He grinned, which always meant that he would do as he dang well pleases. Especially, since no one was around to stop him. Armand and Daniel were in Paris now. I had phoned last evening, to let them know everything was fine, and that I was on my way out. I smiled as I heard Daniel’s voice in my head.

“Stay out of that drawer.”

Then, later, Armand’s voice.

“Be on your best behavior, or I will know.”

I rolled my eyes on the other end, made no promises, and sent my love.

“Hey, don’t forget my presents while you are there.”

I laughed at Benji, telling him I wouldn’t. One last hug, with him protesting, and I was off.

I had one last stop to make, before Bianca’s. I stepped out of the car, when it came to a stop. All was dark. I felt a welcome anyway. Slipping into Santiago’s home, I made my way up the stairs. This was not my normal habit in the night, to tread other parts of his house. If he was here…I listened for him, feeling him immediately. He was in his study. I made my way there.

I stood in the doorway, watching, as he looked over the sheet of paper in front him, before bending once more to write another line. My gaze slid to the candlestick.

“Don’t even think about it.”

I chuckled.

“Have any spare rope?”

He set his pen down with a laugh, leaning back. He gave the appearance of any normal man at his leisure. Dangerous in his mimicking. I leaned against the doorway, looking at him.

“I’ve come to say goodbye for a time.”

He looked at me for a long moment, before he rose. The sudden gleam in his eyes made a shiver slide up my spine. He was in front of me in seconds. I straightened, realizing he had helped me to do so with his hand.
“You move fast,” I murmured in surprise.
He grinned at me, showing his teeth.
“You have no idea,” he said and leaned in to kiss me.
His hand slid up into my hair, cradling my head. My arms slipped around him and he pulled me closer with his free hand. It ran along my back, stopping just at my hips. With one last slide of his tongue against mine, he kissed my lips and looked at me. Our faces were barely separated. An evil grin came to his face.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. You might not want to leave.”
I made a snorting sound, and he kissed me once more. When it ended, I looked at him. A smile came to my face this time.
“Santiago.”
“Hmm?” He looked at my lips.
“You cannot come to Germany with us.”
He looked at me chuckling then murmured something about the best way to shut me up. I laughed and pushed. He held me closer.
“They do say the third time…” he started, kissing me once more.
I hugged him close, as he hugged me, becoming bold in my knowing I would be leaving. With a sigh, I looked up at him finally.
“Goodbye for now.”
“Enjoy your trip.”
I nodded. He released me and I stood once more on my own. With a smile, I looked at him and then turned.
“Sybelle”
I turned, looking back at him.
“When you get back…”
I read his mind and chuckled.
“Incorrigible,” I laughed, while he grinned.
I blew him a kiss from my hand and left.

I smiled from the limo seat, gazing out at my city. I would miss roaming around here at night. My inner self looked forward to this time in Germany with Bianca. I very much needed this trip, and she knew it. She knew me very well. My thoughts touched on one other place we would see while there. With a sigh, I sank back, patiently waiting for the car to arrive at her home.

She met me at the door. With a smile and a hug, I entered. Her luggage sat in the entry way. I nodded to my man to grab them. Turning to Bianca, I grinned.

“Ready to go?”

She grinned at me right back.

Click here, and gather your song. a present from me.

http://s2.quicksharing.com/v/4667128/Distant.mp3.html


Now you may read, with the music. From the beginning darlings...

“My Angel”

Fingers twirled. Became involved in the ivory. Stroked a sea of waving melody. Gently stepped into the world of known. Symbolized the peace within. I walked forward in mind, comforted by my surroundings. An echo beckoning my smile became known. Reverberated about.

“Come stay with me when you return. I will not take no for an answer.”

Fingers moved a little further. Joined into what was already being laid down. I felt the presence of two. My beloveds, come to comfort me. My eyes were closed. I was smiling back, and playing them from within.

“Sybelle!”

I chuckled, not letting go of the tick tock tune, playing for me, what I felt. Benji’s smiling face looked at me from within. I was in his room, smiling at his imitation of The Procession Of The Magi painted along the wall. His art lessons showed, even though I knew to speak it would evoke his rebellion.

“Hello brother mine.”

“We will give him braids! Hahaha!”

I laughed and continued my play, as his voice faded into the voice heaven of what has been spoken before. To be reborn into another’s conversation. Yes, we will give him braids. And he will smile and dote on us, as never before, I answered the fading voice.

“Hey Doll…”

I could see his sideways grin. I felt the need to push back. I wonder where he has hidden that key.

“You really want to wash his smalls don’t you?”

“Make me”

I chuckled, feeling my arms wanting to cross, as they did then. A feeling of warmth invaded my cheeks. I played further, my fingers fighting to not stumble as I felt the lick on my face.

“By all means, play...”

My eyes slit open, just enough to watch his fingers so intricately follow the previously warmed keys that I had stroked.

My mind drifted back further…
My fingers kept up.

Picking up my phone at the apartment and dial the number. I look at the piece of paper in my hand, raising my brows slightly. I smile, as I think of the camping trip coming up.
"Hello, Julien? It's Sybelle..."
I tap the arm of the chair as we make our plans for the upcoming trip.
"All right darling. Yes, I have everything I need. Should I bring anything else? Alright then, I will see you there." A smile flits across my face, as I hang up the phone.

My reflections stroked the keys ever more.

“You know what I miss?”
“What do you miss?”
I lifted my lashes, looking into his eyes.
“I miss the heat of the sun on my face. I miss the warmth of it, of a nice blanket. I get so cold at times. I didn’t think I would miss the sun. I love the night. I love my immortality, but in the right moment, like now,”
I looked up at the sky.
“I miss the warming of it.”

I felt an answering warmth as another entered into my mind. Christmas, in New Orleans. Shared secrets in the night. Jokes played that made me laugh. Surrounded by family. Sneaking out late. Finding myself.

“Tell me of your early days Bianca, with your own words.”

“The angel and the lion, side by side, one cool and lean and collected, the other warm and tender, and in the beginning...shy. And yet...they fitted together.”

Who was this boy, with his gentle face not yet full of knowledge to come? Who was this man, with questions within his own eyes of what was to come?

“The past...is indeed the past. But it can so much influence us in the present.”

Bianca, …so wise. My sister. I felt her smile, even now.

“Let's take a trip. Just me and you."

I smiled. Yes, a trip…perfect.

“Where to?”

“I have the perfect place…Berlin”

A shared smile.

Bianca and Sybelle, …two sisters, …one bond.

Coming Soon

I thought of him this night, playing my piano. My fingers nomadic over the keys, directed by my minds consideration. A sudden wistful refrain assaulted my ears. The tune of dreaming thoughts and what may be. Tell me of your heart, I demanded of myself. And as my fingers played, reverse and forth. I knew I had no answer it the way of things. I slid my fingers into another dance, shutting out such things for now. But no matter, my hands were free to roam. I never held such things from myself. Only in moments, so that I may feel the breath of space such a break gives to me. And in doing so, roaming free, they played for me a score of whimsical lulls.

Blackened night entered into my mind. Death by moonlight. Life by the touch.

Secrets in the mind of Sybelle.

Come Play, said the spider to the fly...

I watch you, sitting so close beside me. A play of words wind back and forth, as I decide that you will keep this night. My lust for your blood has cooled. With it, the bringing of my interest in much more. In the moves you make. The way your face looks at me, even now, as a jewel to behold. My mind the setting for its stone. I rise from the table, bidding you goodnight. You do not see me follow you home. How I watch, while you slide the key within the lock, before you enter your domain. I drift forward, a voyeur into your normal activities within. I wait for you to leave the room, before I step back, then continue on my way home. I pause beside my piano when I enter. Yes, I shall play this night. My mind settled, I play my beloved Beethoven.

The resonance of your thoughts drift to me, disrupting my peaceful play. It is a welcome disruption, as I would rather tend what you have in mind. My eyes close, fingers drifting over the piano, as shadows would, in their flee to escape the light. Play for you once more shall I? I need not ask, for I know your thoughts. Some of them before you do. My fingers drift, loosening the seams of your well stitched surface. Your underneath, shining back, the target for my minds eye this night. I hear you there, calling to me. Think you that shadows hold your thoughts away? The notes of your soul, spill upon the keys. Each one, teasing me to come play. My other hand pounds out the answering resistance. I shall not be tempted by you this night. Instead, I shall play for you our undoing. Leaving no mark upon us for this devilment together. While the air holds and releases us both into oblivion.

Halloween approaches once more. The time of year when the leaves fall, their changing colors catching my sharp eyes. To look upon them in the dark, pondering how they would look in the light of day. I find myself thinking these thoughts at times. I shake them away, continuing my journey along the sidewalk, of the not quite abandoned park.

The park is not far from the VCU campus that I am now staying at. Instead of walking the campus grounds, I had chosen, this night, to take myself further from the tempting mortals that roam the halls, as they move in.

My boots, black, beneath my deep blue cloak, barely make a sound upon the fallen leaves. They have not dried so that they make the crushing sound just yet. Bending down, I lift one of them to my nose, smelling the sweet balm it gives off, as I bend it so that the barest crack is present. Still juicy within. Every season has its smell, and I welcome this one as though it were new to me like none before it.

My head is filled, with not only these thoughts but also many others. I turn to the right, peering through the underbrush to the homeless man. He has been here each night for a week now. I hear the echoes in his head, calling for his God to take him. He cannot stand this life he lives now. Not knowing if the hunger will ever go unappeased. Never again finding the arms of a woman. I pause, as his thoughts come to me once more. He is not a bad man by any means. His misjudgment has led him to this, his circumstance.

I make a quick decision, and approaching slowly, I sit beside him. The paper wrapped bottle in his hand lowers from his mouth. His eyes catch mine in surprise, and then quick appraisal. Yes, he sees me as beautiful, through his drunkenness. An angel sent to help him. It tugs my immortal heart to hear such thoughts flow through him. I remember a time when I thought I had found my own angel…

I bend in slowly, careful not to frighten him. He is in a stupor of drunken haze, of which I will draw away. His laughter can be heard as I lean in. He thinks I am going to kiss his neck. He thinks he is dreaming now. I smile at his thoughts, and quickly draw from him a little drink. Just enough, yet I want more. It is never easy, when they are so good. To taste such, knowing that I cannot draw more of that lovely fount from him. My play has brought him into a state of unaware. I draw from my pocket a nicely wrapped bundle of money. As he passes out, I catch him in my arms. He needs his rest. He has been on the streets for too long now. I rise, holding him in my arms. I carry him to a payphone, make my call, and await my driver.

When the limo pulls up, I give the instructions.

“A good hotel, nothing shabby. Make sure his breakfast is ordered for the morning. Oh, and do make sure he has everything he needs before you go.”

My man nods. He never asks questions, only does what I tell him to do. I tell him that I will not be joining him, and move along as the car pulls away. A smile lights my face this night. For I have given back to one, for all that I have taken. My hand slides into my pocket, fondling the single leaf I have kept. I reach up, pulling the hood of my cloak up over my head, continuing on my way.

The leaf is now being placed here in my journal. Along with the many token of past deeds and memories. I browse the many gifts of moments. A torn piece of sheet music. A feather. A note penned by a smiling face. All these bring me happiness to look upon them.

I pause in my writing here, I have not decided what more I shall put this night…for now, I will play upon my piano, and together ,my piano and I, may we haunt the halls of my rooms here at the VCU Campus. And if the mortals hear the music in the night, perhaps they will feel from it the very thing that I release, while I play.

Tonight, the air is moving. About the French doors, the shear white curtains tug and dance, playing music of their own. My fingers stroke the keys of the piano lightly, as I have just opened my beloved ivory for its meticulous, unswerving attention. I am the tamer of the shrew, pounding out beauty from the wintry, rigid, unfeeling object. Each strum, a new elevation for my ears. It compels me, to go ever further than the last intertwining, divine notes.

I settle into my rhythm now, having concurred the beginning of my playing. It is now time to set my soul free, and let it play from inside. I become the instrument now, and the notes are my soul pounding it back into my ears. It strums along my veins. Every nerve grates and I can do nothing but acknowledge its true. My head nods, my hands fly, and my eyes close. I can see the colors of my life, reverberating the backs of my eyelids.

Soon, the colors blend, as I see my beloved’s face within my closed eyes. My hands slow, playfully picking a key and note. Fingers twist, combine, and twinkle along the ivory. They settle and a new, slower rhythm grabs hold. A heart beat, rocking within a note. The music sways and grabs, then pushes away. A playful little battle between heart and mind, before the fall. The notes swing low, circling for a moment before the steady but slipping climb. Each note forward, only to be pulled and slowed and then let free to run ahead.

The trip is slow, taking time. The higher notes meet and echo the lower, and then part to become their own sets, before blending yet again. A dance here. A caress there. Finally they have made their climb, and together they blend. The precipice is the culmination of the beauty of a union. The acknowledgement that, without the other, they still reverberate the soul, but together they pull everything from within, into the without.

So, the music slows, and they blend ever more. Dancing closer to the edge. Then it happens, the fall. The break, and tumble, and the falling apart once more. The call to each other of such wicked parting. Then finally, the closing of their end. Until again, they are brought, and met, into the wilderness once more.

I sigh into the silent room. The echo of the piano, filling and tweaking the last vibrations of my nerves. My hands still. My heart pounds as though it meets a rhythm much greater. And it should, for it knows its own. My eyes open, and there he stands. His dark liquid eyes, at once sensual and reflecting. Still as a marble statue, and more silent than even the wind. Yet from him, there are many words. Many words, and many caresses. All within a solitary look.

The emotions well up from me within. My face tightens, contracting against its wanting. My eyes feel as though they pull in. A tear slips free from its tightened grasp, rolling slowly down the hollow beneath my eyes, over my cheek, and into the corner of my mouth. His head cocks sideways, and his face changes. It is enough. That one single gesture of concern. That one wrinkle of the brow. Everything I have from inside, pours forth from me unchecked.

My world turns red in blurred prism patterns. I move to turn aside, but all at once I am in his arms. My face in the crook of his shoulder. Warm and secure, and loved once more. My comfort that there will always be that other, that knows what I feel, when I feel, and why I feel. That he had come before I had known to call. That he had listened, but known it before. That is why I cried. It was beautiful, like the music.

“Yes, my angel. It was beautiful.”

I looked up at him. Wiped away the blood tears with my white sleeve. It did not matter, this shirt. I can have many more just like it, but I could never have another him.

“Play for me once more,” he said to me, stroking my hair back from my face.
“What would you like me to play?”
“The Appassionata,” he paused, putting his forehead to mine. “But Sybelle,” His L rolled smoothly. His eyes looked deeply, and I looked at him right back.
“Yes?” I conjured softly from my still clogged throat.
“Play me your Appassionata.”
“I’ll try,” I whispered.
“You will,” he whispered back.
“No…” I paused with a slight smile. “I wont, my soul will.”
He smiled a golden smile, that would have brought a lion to sit tamely by his side.
“Very well.”

I forget at times, that mere moments to me are many days to others. I spend my nights wandering everywhere and nowhere. Watching mortals in their normal lives. On other nights, I wander through the nearly abandoned streets, in no name towns. Alone and hoping that I will know what it is I look for in those times of searching.

It is true that I had become lost from myself. Pushed away from my immortal beloveds and choosing to strike out on my own. What did I find on my little walks of a night? Juicy little mortals, and a new found hunger to come back home where I belonged.

I remember my last night at home, before I had slipped away. Of course, I can never really go away. I’m sure Armand always knows just where and when to find me, if it is necessary.

Benji was curious about my unusual manner of late. I had not been my normal cheerful self. Paying no one visits. Talking in monosyllables when approached by my beloveds. I lay upon my bed, wondering what was it that I felt and why did I need something, of which I could not describe? Something to make me spark. Something to bring back that melody into my nights again. Even my piano had become a dull note to me.

Perhaps every immortal finds their time of wanting to bury themselves beneath layers and be alone.

“What is wrong sis?” he asked me.

I looked at Benji’s curious face, not seeing really his surface. Wondering what made him love me, if he did love me. I sighed, disappointed at my thoughts again.

“Nothing is wrong,” I answered.

He only shrugged and let me be. I figured he would tell Marius or Armand about how I have been. That is when I decided to roam about. Forget for a while that I had been needed at home. Find what I was missing all along. It only came to me, as I strayed ever further away. I could never find what I already have. My beloveds. Their love. Their companionship, if at times sparse. What I had been searching for, was what I had all along. I had only, in my normal way, made it mad within my thoughts and pushed away the truth. That I belonged again at home. So here I am, once again, where it is I belong.

My wanderings have taken me through places that I’ve not been before. I was held, eyes captivated, by each new object that came my way. I indulged myself, distancing from the others like me, for a time. Most especially, the people and experiences caught, and held, my attention. Their differences, from others, standing out, as a single loose thread on a new shirt. Time, and distance, can only do one thing for me, make me appreciate how much I miss my beloveds, and my home.

The sun had long set, from what I gathered from the stewardess’ mind, with glowing red and gold streaks. The jet engines whined down, with their reverse thrust, and I looked out the little rectangle window, into the night. The runway light, still lit, as if pointing from home to Netherlands and back again. My keen eyes spied the black limo, waiting there on the tarmac, and the man standing next to it. My, he was a striking figure, dressed, as always, in his own style, or would that be Armand’s choice of style, I wondered to myself. Either way, he pulled it off flawlessly. It’s the man who makes the clothes.

I stepped down from the last step onto the pavement, and returned his smile, letting him kiss the top of my hand.
“Welcome home.”
“Thank you,” I responded, with a smile of my own.
He took my bags, as any gentleman would do for a lady, though I was much stronger than he. It was the principle of it that was charming, and in an odd way, I needed that charm. So I let him play his role, and followed meekly, entering the limo, only after the chauffeur opened the door. I looked once more, through the tinted glass of the window. I pressed my finger to the button, and felt the air slide in the caress my face as the window slid down. I sniffed, and with a smile, pushed the button for the window to go back up. I was home, and it caressed me, as other things did. Then, I turned to my companion, who was seating himself next to me. I waited for the separator to come up between us and the driver.
“It is nice to see you again Julien, how are you?”

I had not hunted with my sister as yet, and I took delight in venturing out with her this night. Our travels took us through the city and all the decadence it had to offer for us. Dressed to kill, literally, we chose the opera for the night. The lights low enough, in our late arrival, to not have brought unwarranted attention.We spotted the perfect prey part way through the show. Loath as I was to tear myself away from the music, it was not hard to listen to the evil interruption of this man's thought. With a look, and passed thought, our minds were made up. Bianca was first to slip out of our private box. I soon followed. Swiftly, we made our silent way to the opposite side of the theater. He was alone, expecting company of course, but we would be his company for tonight. Bianca tapped lightly on the door, entering from behind.
"About time you arrived" He huffed quietly from his seat.
"Yes, well we are here now aren't we?" Bianca replied to him.
The man seen nothing amiss in this, turning back to the show. Of course, he couldn't have known we were not the usual girls he ordered up from various services. With a slight nod we took our seat next to him on either side. The box was dark from our seats, back from the balcony. With a smile Bianca looked across to me. I could read her mind, his also. His plots of how and when he would take us to his home and dispose of us in various ways. The poor man would never make it out of the box. Gently, slipping her arm around his back, Bianca moved in for the kill. That is when I made my move also.He barely had time to react before we had hold of him, slipping him to the floor and drinking his fount of warm, coppery substance. All the while Bianca and I staring into each others eyes, never minding the piece of trash that lay beneath us. It was exhilarating. I look forward to our next hunt. Even now my heart races at the pleasure of sharing my overpowering lethality with Bianca. She knows what it is to be woman, like me, with this softness wrapping steel to the bones. I pause here in my writing as we have so much more to do this night. I only note it as a reminder of what time we share.

3-23
My time here in Paris has been wonderful. Bianca and I have roamed over many places, taking in the sights. She is the most wonderful guide, as she knows such places and many stories behind them. I often find myself watching her, as well as looking over the things she points out, as her eyes alight, while she tells me the stories she knows and has heard over time. I can see the many things that Marius loves in her. She is a fount of endless knowledge, both absorbing and sharing. We have had endless discussions of points of view already. She draws upon my mind, making me think more. She is truly, the female representation of Marius in that respect. At other times, she is as a child, absorbing things that she has not seen before, and having fun with them. Yet I see the woman in her, indulging in the romance. At times, I think Marius is with her, as I catch her far away look. I let these times pass, making my own way around in my thoughts. It is true, I miss home, my brother, my family, but I am enjoying this time ever so much.

We managed to slip into the Louvre. What a place that is, with all it represents and has to show to one. Of course we managed to tour the whole of it. I cannot imagine a mortal being able to complete such a tour in one night as we had.

Was there ever any other place that the music called to my soul? I wonder this, as I sit here remembering the operas we have seen thus far. I am charmed, there is no use for it. I feel that I will have to be pried away by the end of our time, yet I will leave, because no place like home calls to me. I have written some letters home already, and sent postcards. I hope that everyone enjoys them. I will stop here, as Bianca and I plan to hunt together tonight. I smile now as I look forward to our future nights.

Overwhelmed, by emotional times, I had felt a need to get out of the house this evening. Coming back from the carriage ride with Laurent, I quickly went to see if Benji was alright. Of course he was. I felt badly for having gone out at all, leaving him in my home with Nicholas. I can only say that I needed that time. Perhaps Laurent knew this, and that is why he suggested it. When everyone had gone to their separate rooms though, I sat quietly in my drawing room. Staring at my piano, wondering if I should play tonight. I looked to the quiet rooms, deciding not to disturb anyone. Getting up, I went to Benji's door and tapped lightly on it.

What do you want? He spoke in an annoyed voice. I paused. Nothing, I answered and walked back down the hall to my room. Entering, I sat on my bed for a moment. I had a thought then. Going to my journal I opened it and flipped through. Pulling out a post card, I folded it and shoved it into my pocket. I stood for a moment deciding. I would go take a look at his place. It was night, perhaps he was out and about. I was restless. I wanted to play my music. Going to the wardrobe, I grabbed my black cloak. Quickly, I flipped out the light and left by the window in my room.

I went through the window of Santiago's home. A bold action, I know, now that I look back on it. It led into the drawing room. By the moonlight, I could see the beautiful color of the long rug. I wandered around, looking at his collection of things. Wondering about the man who gathered such pieces. It was when I stared at the portrait of a lovely dark haired woman, that I knew I was not alone. In fact, it was Santiago himself standing comfortably in the doorway. Watching me. He looked handsome as a devil, but my mind was far from analyzing such things. I let my guard down, as I realized he was not mad that I was there uninvited. Amused, when I showed him the note.

After a brief exchange of words, I let him lead me to his piano room. A small unknown room that i had not heard anyone speak of before. In it sat the most beautiful baby grand piano. At once, I knew I had come to the right place. So there I sat playing. The moonlight Sonata. What better song for the moment? I was consumed with thought. Thinking of Armand gone. Thinking of my home. Benji, his usual self. Laurent and Nicolas in the guest room. Wondering where Daniel was now. My thoughts ran to the last conversation with Bianca. Paris was a very good idea. Restless, with my feelings, swinging as the pendulum of a clock, it would do me good to get away. I looked forward to our time that we would be growing close. I also looked forward to getting away from the everyday reminders that bring such tormenting thoughts.

I let go of my thoughts then, letting the music drown out everything. It was only the music I felt, besides the vibrations that occasionally rocked forth from Santiago. As the song came to a close, I wanted to play into another. I did not, knowing I had come uninvited to begin with. I closed the piano, thanking Santiago. Watching him as he invited me to play again when I wished. I smiled, telling him that perhaps I shall. Then, taking my leave of him, I walked slowly back home. My soul soothed slightly by the music. I ponder now, as I write into my journal, on how comfortable I felt while there. I wonder how the days will go from now until Armand's return. Will my company be staying until then? We shall see. One small note to myself. The laws of attraction between immortals is there are no laws. It can go any way at any time. This I have learned.

Daniel has left to go after Armand. I hope to have a moment with Bianca later at the slumber party. I need to talk with her, to reach Marius. Benji paces, even now, across the floor. I sit here, trying to accumulate my thoughts. I know that Laurent will be coming soon to stay. I cannot play my piano at this time, I am so distraught. My head swims with worries. I hope that my beloved is alright. I have the strangest feeling inside. As if he has somehow stepped behind a curtain that I cannot see through. Never, since the time Marius brought Benji and I over, have I felt this parting inside from Armand. Always, I have known, if not where he was, that at least he was there. With this, a shadow creeps into my mind. I fear speaking these thoughts aloud to Benji. One, I do not know how he feels at this time. I can only think he feels as bad as I. He loves Armand so. His father, in all ways he ever could be. The man he looks up to, even if he doesn't say it. Two, I feel that saying my thoughts aloud would tempt the fates. So in fear, I lock these inside. This, my journal, is the only way I can release them. Please be okay. I beg now, to the heavens. Keep safe my beloved.

Next Friday, 1/27, we are going "live" in Club Mona. See how many parties, in how many threads, you can hit that night. The fun starts at 7:00 pm EST.

We will be holding a "Mardi Gras King and Queen" Scavenger Hunt" starting 1/23/06 at 10:00 pm. There will be 15 clues given. The first two people to solve the hunt and find the hidden coin will be crowned King and Queen of Mardi Gras. They will assume their thrones on February 14th and reign over the Mardi Gras festivities from that time until February 28th.

February 7 - 14 will celebrate Valentine's Day. We will be holding a card exchange - please see the forum for further information and to sign up for a personalized mailbox. We will also have a special section for letters..love, hate and everything in between.

February 19 - 28 will be our "Spirit of New Orleans" Celebration, culminating in a Mardi Gras Parade and Live Chat. There will be new immortals to visit, as well as a host of other activities.

Be sure and check out both the avatar gallery and and the Seasonal Gallery for new seasonally themed user pics and signatures starting February 1.

Mark your calendars for March 25...it begins the traditional week of April Fools. Expect the unexpected and bizarre from 3/25 - 4/16. You never know who will show up on the forum!

I've had the most wonderful time, spending the holidays in Lestat's home. He is a most gracious host, with an unending supply of patience it seems. New Orleans is such a charming city. It captures my heart each time we visit. I could tell, right away, that Benji felt at home. And though I wondered what he was planning for our festivities this year, it did not bother me so much. I was truly in the Christmas spirit, one would say. It was worth the trip, to see the smiles upon the faces of several immortals who had not seen each other for a bit. I do believe that Darling Armand enjoyed even Santiago's company. It was such a battle of wits between them. I sat silently, smiling, as they traded such lines. I could see such bonds between others. It made me realize how many years they have had for such things. How comfortable they become, in knowing one another, that such things, as Lestat's gathering, can be possible. Imagine, if we were to never see one of the others again. It would be a sad occasion. That we share eternity of time together, we should always lay pasts aside and spend such times as we have had. I am grateful to Lestat for the opportunity of it. He must see this himself. A wise man, I think, even if he does pull off the carefree attitude.
I enjoyed my presents from the others. I had a bit of a surprise with the note that Santiago placed in my stocking. And though I was tempted, I still remain undecided on giving him my company. I do not think that Armand would like my visiting him, without someone there to be sure I am perfectly safe, namely himself.
I found time to slip away with Laurent, as I had told him I would. At first, I worried that Armand would catch us out, telling me that I was foolish for going off alone with him. As the night went on though, I let my worries fall away, truly enjoying my time alone with him. I played some of my new music for him in private. Though I could tell he enjoyed my concert, I knew that he wanted more than just my music. What is a woman to do in such situations, I wondered? I played hard to get, I admit it. Even now I smile about it. Even so, he was the very devil in temptation. We walked about, eventually ending up in the quarter. I thought, for a moment, that I had seen Quinn. I am not sure though. So here we were, Laurent and I, together, wandering in and out of places. It made for an interesting night. He danced with me in the shadows for a bit. We whispered things back and forth, sharing thoughts. I told him of my latest outings. What I had felt about each of my lessons. He seemed to understand what I felt. Though I wanted to ask him a million questions about himself, somehow, I felt it was not the right time, or place, to do so. Perhaps I will write more about our night in future. I think this is enough for now. I wanted to note this in my journal, as it was part of my happiness during the holidays. There are so many discoveries I have yet to make in my life. And though I miss home, and the many mortals I would watch regularly, I am having the time of my life here. In the old city that Lestat calls home.